The challenges that come with one parent being in the military are significant, but when two parents are in the military, the challenges can seem impossible. From overnight duties to deployments, the need for flexible and reliable child care has always been a top priority as both my husband and I serve in the Navy.
San Diego has a unique need for military child care — while less than 1% of the national population lives in San Diego County, nearly 8% of the U.S. active duty military population resides here. In San Diego alone, there are over 60,000 military-connected children.
Many military families expect to move every two to four years. Reestablishing schools, extracurriculars and camps is stressful to navigate. In an unstable situation, hosting an au pair has been a game changer. Au pairs are 18- to 26-year-olds from abroad participating in a U.S. State Department-regulated cultural exchange program. American host families welcome these young people into their homes and provide room and board, a weekly stipend and a contribution to required college classes. In return, au pairs provide up to 45 hours of limited child care weekly.
Before learning about the program, we would a waitlist for military child care. Despite being told as a dual military couple that we were among the highest priorities, we sometimes would not know until just days before we went back to work whether our children had a spot in military day care. Interviewing local nannies only showed us that no one had the flexibility we needed. Many military families have recognized the value of the au pair program — nearly one in eight American hosting families are military-d.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, as we moved from California to Virginia, we were told that military child care facilities were not accepting new kids. But our jobs didn’t stop. While my husband was deployed, my mother helped to fill the gaps but it was still not the whole answer. In 2022, we welcomed an au pair to create the stability for our kids that we had been seeking for years.
Our first au pair immediately fit right into our family. The child care she provided ensured the kids had trusted afterschool care, alleviating our stress around balancing child care and work. I was deployed as we were hosting her and my husband could not have imagined taking on the child care responsibilities alone.
After our next au pair’s year with us ended, we welcomed our third au pair. With my husband gone half of the year for training, she was critical to keeping things going at home with the kids. We eventually moved back to California where we welcomed our fourth au pair, who jumped right in and even helped us unpack — we got to experience settling into a new location together. When my husband again deployed, our au pair navigated the change flawlessly — finding that with a good routine, she was able to still make friends, go surfing most days and have fun with the kids.
It’s not only the child care aspects of the program that have been transformative, but also the cultural exchange. Growing up in small towns, my husband and I had little cultural exposure and ing the military diversified our outlook on life. While we were stationed in Japan, we learned that we enjoyed living abroad and exploring other cultures. Welcoming au pairs from three different countries has similarly allowed our children to expand their knowledge of the world.
Not only does having an au pair help with our careers and personal growth, but our family can spend more time doing things we love. My husband and I have completed many triathlons and marathons. We’ve also been able to bring our au pair along to explore the country with trips to go skiing, Disney World, and more.
Welcoming au pairs into our home has been more than we hoped for. For families balancing complex schedules and the stress of ensuring trusted child care, we highly recommend exploring the au pair program.
Mills serves in the Navy and lives in San Diego. The views expressed do not represent the views of the Department of Defense.
