DEAR RICHARD: Thank you for giving me the bird in your recent column about our feathered friends. I just wish I could be your wing man, but I suppose that would require me to be in the pecking order. I certainly don’t have much perch-a-sing power. In any case, just flying high in your universe puts a feather in my cap. In the future I’ll try to avoid parroting you or crowing about my input. Have to go now. Lots to Twitter about. -Richard Rachel, University City
I’m not only a word botcher. I’m a bird watcher. So I’m going to take you under my wing and tell you that our fowl language is strictly for the birds. One of the most pyrotechnic examples of avian word play is this limerick by Dixon Lanier Merritt:
A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill will hold more than his belican,
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
But I’m damned if I see how the helican!
Here’s an aviary of my favorite bird jokes, all guaranteed to quack you up:
- What the difference between a bird and a San Diegan? A bird can make a deposit on anautomobile.
- What kind of luggage do vultures take onto airplanes? Carrion.
- What do you call a parrot that has flown away? A polygon.
- What bird is the most frugal? Toucan live as cheaply as one.
- What do you call a sick bird? An illegal.
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be baygulls!
I also crow about crow jokes:
- Before the invention of the crowbar, crows had to drink at home.
- A raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow has only 16. So the differencebetween a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.
- What do crows use to stick together in flocks? Velcrow.
- In order to have a murder of crows, you must have probable caws.
A little bird told me that you readers should take a gander at the aviary below to come up with appropriate words and expressions to match the definitions that follow. Sometimes the name of a given bird can stand by itself; sometimes you will have to provide a suffix or a phrase that includes a given bird, as in “low pay: chickenfeed.” Don’t quail at this challenge. Feather your nest with all the correct answers you can, and you’ll really have something to crow about.
Match these bird words with the definitions that follow:
albatross bird buzzard canary catbird
chicken cock coot crane crow
cuckoo dodo dove duck eagle
gander goose grouse gull hawk
hen lark loon owl parrot
pigeon quail swan turkey vulture
1. er of war 2. opponent of war 3. a coward 4. the wrong direction 5. a great burden
6. a parasitical person 7. a stupid person 8. a crazy person 9. a crazy person 10. an old person
11. an old person 12. dominated by one’s wife 13. a politician nearing end of term 14. one who stays up late 15. a position of advantage
16. aggressively confident 17. what humbled people eat 18. one who rats on others 19. one who rats on others 20. an escapade
21. look at 22. easily duped or cheated 23. having sharp sight 24. complain 25. suddenly, independently
26. to repeat another’s words 27. one under par on a hole in golf 28. an item of heavy machinery 29. to cower 30. a farewell appearance
Answers
1. hawk 2. dove 3. chicken 4. wild goose chase 5. albatross
6. vulture 7. dodo 8. cuckoo 9. loon 10. buzzard
11. coot / crow 12. henpecked 13. lame duck 14. night owl 15. in the catbird seat
16. cocky or cocksure 17. crow 18. canary 19. stool pigeon 20. lark
21. take a gander at 22. gullible 23. eagle-eyed 24. grouse 25. cold turkey
26. parrot 27. birdie 28. crane 29. quail 30. swan song
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On Thursday, March 21, 2 p.m., I’ll be performing “A Feast of Words” at the San Carlos Branch Library, 7265 Jackson Drive.
On Friday, March 28, 10 a.m., I’ll be teaching “Jest for the Pun of It” at Grossmont Oasis, 5500 Grossmont Center Drive
Please send your questions and comments about language to [email protected] website: verbivore.com
