Sez Me …
The Superdome confetti has been vacuumed. Tom Brady has returned his $800,000 watch to the safe. The president has left the building. Taylor Swift is back making billions.
The Super Bowl is over. I still can’t get over it.
I remain stunned but satisfied, my belt unbuckled as though I’ve put down two Thanksgiving dinners. But I didn’t just watch Eagles-Chiefs as much as I felt it. As though I were out there, a Patrick Mahomes, getting the hell beaten out of me.
I’ve been to 30 of these big games. I’ve seen all of them, seen great things and stupid things and astonishing things and blowouts and nail-biters and huge wins and upsets.
But I’ve never witnessed anything like the Eagles doing a John Wayne on the Chiefs last Sunday in New Orleans. I couldn’t have found enough hallucinogenic product to come up with this bloody script.
A complete and total woodshedding. Or, if you prefer, an ass-kicking — of the favored team — in brutally historic fashion.
I picked Philly — with a shaky hand. As a rule, it’s not wise to bet against Mahomes, and the Chiefs were good (surely not great, but good). They went 15-2 and one of those losses was a giveaway. I had seen the Eagles, good but not great.
How could this be? The Chiefs all but took away brilliant back Saquon Barkley, leaving quarterback Jalen Hurts to beat them. Which he did. The Eagles were great everywhere and Mahomes and his Chiefs were not good most everywhere, especially behind center.
Mahomes’ offensive line suddenly weakened. And facing a fierce all-day four-man rush (no blitzing) — as he did vs. Tampa Bay in a Super Bowl — Patrick was out of sorts from the very beginning.
On a scale of 1 to 100, Mahomes had a quarterback rating of 1 in the first half. Come on in, Smokey Gaines: “That’s one more than a dead man.” Thanks to garbage time, he finished with a QBR of 10, the second-worst showing in Super Bowl history.
So what does this all mean? Is K.C. finished as a power? Are the Eagles starting a dynasty?
I wouldn’t bet on any of it.
Mahomes isn’t even 30 yet. So he was human for 60 minutes. The Chiefs’ offense isn’t what it was, but playing them is not going to be a day on the Hotel Del’s veranda. Take a poll on which QB the NFL’s defensive coordinators would rather not play.
The Eagles were as near-perfect as football will allow. How many players will they be capable of retaining? Once teams get really good, they lose personnel to money. They lucked into Barkley because the Giants were incredibly stupid. Odds are he won’t have another season like this one.
Tell you what, when Detroit is healthy, it can give the Eagles all they want. Because there is little greatness, teams can jump in a hurry, such as Washington — and even Denver — with a quarterback who can play.
The NFL tapestry is so flawed, with so many loose threads, to even think about the Eagles becoming a dynasty is stupid. You need incredible luck to win a Super Bowl. I don’t see Philly repeating. I see Andy Reid spackling a few holes in K.C. I see two new Super Bowl finalists.
But we all know the NFL forecast. Cloudy with a chance of thunderstorms. …
Roger Goodell ordered players and everyone in his employ to do nothing to embarrass the president at the Super Bowl. I wondered how any embarrassment could have been possible — until the Chiefs didn’t honor Roger’s wishes by playing. …
There was one team that failed to reach the 50 on its first nine tries this season. Chiefs in the Super Bowl. That not only was a severe ass-kicking, it proved defense wins championships. …
The Eagles had more sacks through three quarters than first downs allowed. …
I think Travis Kelce will take his time before deciding to retire, but he was out of it last Sunday, and appears ready to be Taylor Swift’s full-time roadie. …
Travis also took his time trying to block an Eagle. Any Eagle. …
Who was clocked as the fastest NFL ball carrier this year? Barkley at 20.6 mph. But wait, we have a tie. Also Ladd McConkey. …
The NFL had seven head coaching jobs open. One was filled by a black man — Aaron Glenn, to the Jets. The Rooney Rule. Yeah. Effective. …
Jerry Jones said the Cowboys belonged in the Super Bowl. If he went to the game, at least one made it. …
And Dak Prescott, Jerry’s quarterback, says Dallas can compete with the Eagles. America’s Dream. …
When, as rumored, Aaron Rodgers pleaded with the Jets to keep him, the front office released him, saying: “Why would anyone in their right mind want that?” …
Still, there aren’t 32 NFL QBs better than A.R. …
Can the NFL Team That Used To Be Here use Davante Adams? If he still has two hands, yes. But he’s not a No. 1 receiver anymore. …
Kendrick Lamar’s Super Bowl halftime show drew a record 123.5 million viewers, easily surpas With People’s 11,000. …
The miserly Bengals have four scouts on payroll. They had one, but when he discovered Joe Burrow, they added three. …
Matt Patricia is heading to Ohio State as the Buckeyes’ new defensive coordinator. So he remains an NFL coach. …
If the Jags were to trade Trevor Lawrence to the Steelers, it would be beyond stupid. I told that kid to stay in school and away from Jax. Well, I did. In print. …
The Padres are expected to keep starters Dylan Cease and Michael King after acquiring Nick Pivetta. A good thing. But Pivetta is Canadian, so we wonder if the team can pay the tariff and if he will be allowed to pitch in red states.
If that asteroid hits Earth in 2032, what will it matter, when everyone is living on Mars? …
Clayton Kershaw is returning to the Dodgers. How about Preacher Rowe? When I was growing up, Clayton was one of the first Dodgers I couldn’t stand. …
The Ham & Eggers will be charging $53 a month to pick up trash we’ve already been paying for. YOU voted for this. …
It’s a struggle, but I can go to sleep at night not giving one damn who Bill Belichick is dating. …
San Diego State has been named one of the top U.S. research institutions, and the only one in the Cal State system. Congratulations to my alma mater. When I matriculated there, I researched where to park for free on campus without getting a ticket. …
Hubie Brown has retired. At 91. An amazing person. …
The Associated Press has been banned from the Oval Office and Air Force One for not referring to the Gulf of Mexico as Gulf of America. Taking AP’s seat is Volkischer Beobachter. …
Saints CEO Gayle Benson introduced new head coach Kellen Moore as Ellen Moore. Damn spell check.
