Kakaiya, Ph.D, is a licensed clinical psychologist and neuroscientist, and lives in 4S Ranch.
Growing up in Kenya within an Indian extended family, where numerous siblings and cousins coalesced, provided me with the initial experience of being nurtured by more than one mother. Naturally, my own mother played a central role, alongside my older sisters, female cousins and aunts, all contributing to my upbringing.
Consequently, I am no stranger to being shepherded by a multitude of remarkable women who have assumed maternal roles in my life here in San Diego. Donald Winnicott, a British pediatrician and psychoanalyst, coined the term “good enough mother” in 1953 to delineate a mother who exhibits attunement to her child while acknowledging that minor unmet needs are conducive to the child’s growth. An excessively indulgent or omnipresent mother stifles the child’s development of self-agency. This Mother’s Day, I honor some of the most influential maternal figures in my life.
This tribute is dedicated to a select few of the maternal figures who have nurtured me in San Diego. I earnestly aspire to conduct myself in a manner that would make these mothers proud of me within our community. Mothering manifests in diverse forms, and in my adult life, the maternal figures shaping my identity in San Diego deserve the highest accolades.
First and foremost, Betty Peabody, volunteer in Balboa Park since 1969 and founder of the organization Friends of Balboa Park, embodies the quintessential “mother” figure in San Diego. At the ripe young age of 92, she has been a maternal presence in my life for the past eight years. When Betty calls upon us for assistance, refusal is simply not an option. She guides, inspires, imparts grace, challenges and allows me to grapple with frustrations, fostering invaluable lessons in growth. Betty’s wisdom, amassed over eight decades in San Diego, serves as my connection to the city’s history. I hold Betty Peabody in the highest esteem.
Linda Katz and Lidia Martinez stand as two additional maternal figures who have generously taken me under their expansive wings and mentored me in various capacities. Both Linda and Lidia radiate immense warmth and genuine care for underserved communities in San Diego. Linda introduced me to the world of serving refugee communities, while Lidia awakened me to the myriad needs of South Bay and Latino communities. Under the nurturing guidance of Linda and Lidia, one can rest assured of being in the most capable hands. Lidia’s mother evidently wielded a profound influence on her, and her nurturing spirit has touched the lives of many. We owe a debt of gratitude to Lidia Martinez. Her quiet grace, infectious smile, unwavering perseverance and spirited demeanor inspire us to do what is right.
Mothers offer guidance, coax us through challenges, domesticate our impudence and ultimately steer us toward clarity of vision. They create a cocoon of instruction, akin to Betty Peabody’s guidance in my life. We all seek validation from our mothers — do I make you proud? As my own mother’s daughter, despite her no longer being with us, I still endeavor to honor her legacy and make her proud.
Occasionally, doubts assail me: am I raising a good daughter? Enter Roshni Kakaiya, my daughter, who mothers me every single day, hovering attentively, never missing a Mother’s Day, and checking in on me without fail. Another maternal figure in my life is Kush Kakaiya — my son, who showers me with love and tenderness reminiscent of the care I once bestowed upon my own mother. He massages my feet after a long day’s work and prepares meals for me during his visits. We have succeeded in our role as mothers if our sons, like their partners and siblings, can reciprocate that nurturing love. True to confession — she inherits my determination and kindness, while he embodies my adventurous spirit.
My own mother, the sole daughter in her family, lost her own mother when she was just 3 years old. Raised by her father with exquisite care, she, in turn, showered us with unconditional love, a resilient spirit and lofty standards of excellence, akin to Linda, Lidia and Betty.
It is fascinating to observe how Generation Z employs the term “mothering.” In Taylor Swift’s realm, when they proclaim “mother is mothering,” they pay homage to her boundless kindness and regal presence.
May we all engage in mothering as Betty, Lidia, Roshni, Kush, and Linda have mothered me.
